


CH13

by Twyd



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Alternate Ending, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Denial, Feelings, M/M, Post-Canon, Slash, Texting, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-02
Updated: 2017-05-02
Packaged: 2018-10-26 22:48:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10796328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twyd/pseuds/Twyd
Summary: How their last fight could have gone.





	CH13

Izaya’s skull explodes with pain. He tastes blood, feeling it trickle down his jaw. He puts a hand to his head, and it comes away covered.

Shizuo swims back into view somewhere above him, but he feels nothing except a dull kind of surprise that this is how it will end. And he had planned it all so well.

“Why,” the protozoan repeats. “The fuck, did you do that.”

Izaya says nothing. He’s not losing his dignity with his life.

“Answer me, flea.”

Izaya lifts his head enough to glare at him.

“What do you mean, _why_? Do you want a recap of the past ten years? This is what we do.”

“Not like this,” Shizuo shoots back. “You meant it this time.”

“I always mean it.”

“Bullshit.”

Izaya lets his head fall back again, ignoring him.

“Izaya,” Shizuo growls.

“Just kill me if you’re going to do it.”

“Is that what you want?”

Izaya rolls his eyes under his hair.

“I wanted to kill _you_ ,” he says impatiently.

“Yeah, and I wanna know why.”

Izaya chokes out a laugh, wincing when it hurts his ribs.

“What, you want a list? That’s going to take some time. I _hate_ you, Shizuo. I’m sick of you. I’m sick of having to creep around Ikebukuro because of you. I’m sick of being threatened. I’m sick of having the same fight over and over again.”

“But you’re the one who always fucking starts it!”

Izaya shifts, just barely, but Shizuo steps forward to block him in.

“You’re not going anywhere until you tell me why.”

“I just told you.”

“No you didn’t.”

Izaya looks at him with contempt.

“Shizuo, you do realise there is a major flaw in your clever plan? I could just lie and you’ll let me go. I could say anything and you’ll fall for it.”

 “Try me.”

Izaya laughs a little hysterically.

“All right, fine then. I did it because I’m so in love with you I can’t stand it.”

Shizuo doesn’t speak for a long, long time, long enough to make Izaya's stomach churn.

“You mean it.”

Izaya forces another laugh.

“Oh yeah, sure I do.”

“You mean it,” he repeats.

Izaya rolls his eyes, feeling sick.

“Think what you want, you idiot. You’re even stupider than I thought.”

Shizuo lets the silence hang, and Izaya feels his heart climb with it.

“Why – why do you act the way you do if you- ?”

“Oh, I don’t know, because _I was joking_ , maybe? Because I was being sarcastic?”

“You shouldn’t lie when you’re in pain, flea. You’re not good at it.”

“Fuck you.” Izaya snarls. “I am not having this conversation with you, Shizuo. You’re a moron.”

“Why? Why won’t you have this conversation?”

“Why are you doing this?” he explodes. “Just fucking kill me if you’re going to.”

Shizuo doesn’t speak for a moment.

“I’m sick of it too, the fighting. I figured it’s worth seeing if you’re actually as bat-shit crazy as you make out.” He shakes his head. “Apparently you are.”

“Says you,” Izaya retorts.

Shizuo ignores this.

“You always said you hate me because you can’t reason with me, you can’t use logic on me. So explain to me, logically, how you can – “

“Shut up. Just shut the fuck up, Shizuo, right now.”

To his relief, Shizuo does. Neither of them speak for a long, long time, and Izaya realises that Shizuo is waiting him out.

“I have nothing to say to you,” he says, exasperated. “Except that you’re a brainless moron.”

Shizuo’s eyes narrow.

“Then just 'make something up _'_ again.”

His voice is heavy with sarcasm.

 “I will,” Izaya snaps. “If it’ll end this ludicrosy.”

“You wouldn’t be this upset if it was something you made up.”

“I’m upset because I’m in pain and because you’re supposed to be dead, and – and because this is _stupid_. I want to go to Shinra’s if you’re not going to kill me. My head hurts.”

“My fucking head hurts too. You’re not going anywhere ‘til you answer me.”

 “It _hurts_.”

“If you can still talk, you’re fine.”

Izaya resolutely presses his lips together.

Shizuo sighs somewhere above him.

Izaya flinches as Shizuo drops to his knees in front of him and grabs him roughly by his coat. He shuts his eyes, waiting for it.

Instead of a fist, Shizuo’s lips press against his own.

He makes a muffled sound of surprise, tries to push him back, and just like that Shizuo’s hands are around his wrists, suspending them.

He gives another token struggle, another, then curses as he feels himself give into it. He tastes his own blood between them, but it doesn’t seem to bother Shizuo. He holds on to Izaya, thumbs stroking into his skin.

Izaya’s head swims. His heart picks up again until it almost hurts.

Shizuo lets go of him when he starts squirming again.

He inhales, but it doesn’t make his vision clear. He’s too hot, in pain in places that hadn’t hurt before. “I hate you,” he breathes. “You’ve won, OK? I’ll stay out of Ikebukuro. I hate you. I hate you.”

“Calm down,” Shizuo orders. “Jesus. It’s not the end of the world.”

Izaya shakes his head, makes another feeble attempt to push him away.

“I will never understand you,” is the last thing he hears before the heat engulfs him.

* * *

 

Izaya comes to while Shinra’s still mopping up his head.

“Easy,” Shinra says as he struggles to sit up, looking around. “He left already." He shakes his head. "I am getting so sick of these late night calls from you guys.”

Izaya stares at him, not listening.

“What did he say to you?”

Shinra blinks.

“Nothing. He looked pretty freaked out, though. What happened this time?”

Izaya says nothing.

“We-ell,” Shinra says. “Lie still, you nearly ripped your stitches out. I’m almost done.”

He lies there and lets Shinra does what he wants. Answers mechanically when Shinra tests his vision, asks where it hurts.

Shinra frowns at him, forgetting the examination for a moment.

“What’s wrong? You look like someone’s died or something.”

He shakes his head.

Shinra takes a seat opposite, peering into his eyes.

“I’m fine.” He says, when it's clear Shinra isn't going to go away. His voice shakes. “I’ve just – I’ve done something stupid.”

“How stupid?”

He shakes his head.

Shinra sits there, waiting him out like Shizuo had, and Izaya doesn’t have the energy to fight him.

“I told Shizuo I love him.”

Shinra’s eyes widen.

“ _Oh_.”

He shakes his head sadly.

“And he did this?”

Izaya laughs.

“No. That was before. He just – he asked me why I’m always antagonising him, and he just kept asking and asking and I – I said it as a joke but he knew, he knew I meant it.”

“So you do?”

Izaya looks at him like he’s the stupidest man alive.

“OK. And he got mad?”

“He kept asking questions. Then he kissed me.”

Shinra’s eyes double.

“That’s – good, isn’t it?”

Izaya growls to himself.

“He did it to get to me.”

“You think he’s that kind of guy?”

“He was acting weird. He said he was trying to use logic on me because that’s what I do.”

“Still. He carried you all the way here, you know. He didn't have to do that. What else did he say?”

“He said it’s all right. He said it’s not the end of the world.”

“He has a point, don’t you think?”

Izaya just looks at him.

 “Don’t tell anyone.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t.”

* * *

 

Izaya blocks Shizuo’s number. Just in case. All his activities involving Ikebukuro immediately cease. Namie peers at him on receiving this news, openly curious, and Izaya thinks he may have to fire her, just to make life easier. He also ignores any calls from blocked numbers, and numbers he doesn’t recognise. Not good for business, but, he can manage.

He gets a lot of calls from a private number.

He thinks he may have to fire Namie anyway, because his mask is slipping more and more each day, and he doesn’t want her around to see it.

His phone goes. A text this time.

_-Pick up or I’m coming over._

It’s almost a relief. Anything is better than the tension of the phone ringing. At least now he has the number, so he can block it. Only, he doesn’t block it. He’d rather make this problem go away completely.

_-I moved._

_-You’re lying._

He frowns at his phone.

_-I’m out, then._

_-You have to come home sometime._

Izaya tuts in annoyance.

_-I could file a restraining order against you with these kind of texts._

_-You wouldn’t._

He types back without thinking.

_-I’ll have you killed, then._

_-Yeah, good luck with that. You’ve been really good at it so far._

Izaya very nearly throws the phone.

_-What do you want, protozoan?_

_-Answering the phone would be a start._

Izaya doesn’t reply. He is not answering the phone. It lights up with another message.

_-I haven’t told anyone._

_-Is that a threat?_

_-No. I just thought you’d like to know._

Izaya scoffs at this and doesn’t reply.

­ _-Come on. Stop being such a coward._

He takes no notice. Shizuo doesn’t reply for some time. Thinking he’s given up, Izaya goes back to his laptop, eying the phone at his side as if it were a grenade. He snatches it when it goes again.

­ _-Hey, turn on the news, something really weird’s happened._

He frowns. Clicks on to the Ikebukuro local website. He sees nothing worth his or Shizuo’s interest. He checks the main and international headlines too, but it is all politics, climate change, new buildings.

He texts Shizuo back.

_-What am I looking for?_

_-Nothing. Just making sure you’re still there._

Izaya closes his eyes. He is an idiot. His phone pings relentlessly.

_-Not fun, is it?_

_-Being on the other end of it._

Izaya stabs his reply.

_-Yes, haha, you’ve made your point, I’m a terrible human being.  I won’t ever antagonise you again, all right?_

_-Can you pick up the phone? I don’t like texting._

_-I don’t like phone calls._

He adds hastily,

_-And I don’t like you._

Shizuo ignores this.

_-Did you tell Shinra?_

He blinks, thinks fast.

_-No. Did you?_

_-You know I didn’t._

Shizuo apparently gives up then, for real this time. His phone doesn’t go again all night. Izaya’s tense as a coil, but thankfully, no-one knocks either.

* * *

 

Another week goes by, and he still hasn’t set foot in Ikebukuro. He gets another text. He’d forgotten to block the number.

_-Don’t get me wrong, it’s great not having you around to fuck things up, but it’s also really weird, and I hope you haven’t killed yourself or something._

Izaya rolls his eyes, replies before he can stop himself.

_-Get over yourself. You think I’m that upset over you?_

_-Just checking._

A month goes by. He misses Ikebukuro. He misses it so much. He even misses the Memorial Fireworks, something he’s always gone to since he was 12. And of course, salting the wounds, Shizuo had to text that night.

_-Wow, you’re really serious about staying away, huh. Unless you’re hiding in the crowds somewhere._

Izaya takes no notice.

_-I thought you would have tried something by now. It’s making me tense, waiting for it._

Izaya sighs and texts back.

_-Then you can stop aggravating me. I’m not going to do anything._

There is a little pause before the reply comes.

_-Good._

Another comes before he can answer.

_-I’m coming over then._

Izaya stiffens. He types rapidly.

_-I won’t be here._

No response. Izaya scowls and throws the phone aside. He’s not going out specially just because Shizuo is being infuriating. He just won’t answer the door.

He waits, on edge, for near two hours, when he realises Shizuo hadn’t specified when he will come over. He hates Shizuo, wishes he really had killed him.

His phone goes again, and again, a string of texts in quick succession. Izaya sighs and goes to retrieve it.

_-Hey_

_-Guess what_

_-You freezing me out like this hurts even more than you ruining my life all the time. Well done._

_-I think I might even like you too  
_

_-So can you just_

_-Pick up_

_-The fucking phone_

Izaya stares at the screen, heart hammering. His gut reaction is that he is being mocked, but then something else occurs to him.

_-Are you drunk?_

_-Yeah, but I mean it._

Izaya rolls his eyes, and doesn’t answer him again.

_-Will you pick up the phone if I say it sober?_

* * *

 

Almost 24 hours go by with nothing. Izaya’s surprised. He thought he’d get a denial first thing in the morning. Perhaps Shizuo had blacked out and not remembered a thing. When the text does eventually come, it is as incongruous and infuriating as ever.

_-I'm sober, hungover. Will you pick up the phone now?_

This somehow pushes Izaya over the edge. He calls Shizuo himself.

“What is your problem?” he snaps. “I’m staying out of Ikebukuro, I'm not doing anything to you. What do you want from me?”

“I shouldn’t have said it by text,” Shizuo says, unphased.

“You shouldn’t have texted at all,” Izaya hisses. “I’m blocking this number.”

“Oh, come on, Izaya. You would have blocked it already if you were going to. Do you still think I'm messing with you? Why the hell would I try to talk to you, after what you did, if I didn’t like you?”

Izaya frowns.

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“You’re one to fucking talk about making sense,” he growls. “I like you, OK? I don’t know why. I should have said it to your face, but there we are.”

Izaya shakes his head. It's too much. He thinks wildly of how he can end it.

“I’m moving," he says. 

“What? Grow up.”

“I am, I mean it. It’s – all arranged.”

“How far? Out of town, or somewhere ridiculous like Russia?”

“Neither.”

“…Great,” Shizuo says. “That is really fucking helpful. Just when I thought you couldn’t get any more annoying.”

“I’m moving,” Izaya repeats stubbornly.

“Fuck you.”

The line goes dead.

He’s not moving. But he’ll fucking have to now.

* * *

 

He tenses every time the door goes. It never turns out to be Shizuo, but this time he somehow knows that it is, he feels it in his bones. He goes still, like a little kid wishing to be invisible. Shizuo knocks again. Izaya wonders if he will break down the door. Surely not. He couldn’t afford the damages.

A knock doesn’t come again. Izaya begins to relax, and goes back to work. By the time the afternoon comes, he’s almost forgotten it, and decides to go out for some air. He’s already halfway out the door when he sees Shizuo, sitting on the floor waiting for him. He steps back, but Shizuo already has his foot in the door.

Izaya wrinkles his nose in disgust.

“You really are pathetic, you know that,” he sneers. “You’re actually stalking me.”

Shizuo just looks at him, deadpan, from behind his glasses.

“Let me in,” he says. “I want to talk to you.”

“Why?” he says. “I’m staying out of Ikebukuro.”

“You know why.”

“I have stuff to do.”

“It won’t take long.”

Sensing he won’t give up, Izaya rolls his eyes and goes back inside. He falls onto his office chair, so the desk is between them, and swivels round several times, feigning nonchalance.

“Well?” he says, as Shizuo just stands there looking at him. “Do you have something to say or not?”

“Do you?”

“No,” he says. “I think I’ve made my feelings very clear. I was joking.”

“Hm.” Shizuo sits down on his couch. He fiddles with his lighter in his pocket, although he doesn’t take it out.

“You can’t smoke in here,” Izaya tells him anyway.

“I’m not.”

Izaya keeps swivelling, just to be annoying.

“Will you cut that out,” Shizuo growls.

“It’s my house,” he says. “I can swivel if I want to.”

Shizuo gets up, shaking his head.

“I’m going,” he says, and Izaya lets his chair slow in surprise. “I – fuck, I’ve tried talking to you, I’ve come over, and there’s just no fucking point.”

Izaya says nothing.

Shizuo looks at him like he expects him to argue.

“I’m sorry,” Izaya says eventually, and means it. “I’ll stay out of Ikebukuro.”

Shizuo’s face softens at this, like Izaya is being endearingly stupid, but the informant doesn’t stick around to see it. He leaves his chair to make for the stairs, hoping Shizuo will take the hint and leave, but the protozoan comes after him, pulling him back by the wrist.

“Izaya,” he says, and Izaya knows what he’s going to do before he does it. “Last chance. Do you want this or not?” And Izaya rests his hands on his arms, not saying yes and not saying no. He closes his eyes, leaning into him, and Shizuo takes this as a yes.


End file.
